My Story.

Something huge for me happened today and it has inspired me to share my story. I recently became more active in the church of latter-day saints and I am asked on a daily basis, "why now?" "What changed?" "How did you do it?" So I decided that I want to share a condensed version of my story.

I was raised LDS but we were never active. I was baptized but my mom and I never went to church. Naturally I fell away from the church and wasn't making the best decisions. And for whatever reason I just decided one day that I wanted to be around better influences and start going back to church. I moved away and wasn't making all the same bad decisions but I still hadn't gone to church, I wasn't sure how to even find out about it. Finally when I moved back home, my bishop of my singles ward kept "stopping" by, of course every time he did I wasn't home. Luckily one time I was home! It happened to be a Saturday morning and I just so happened to be wearing a tank top and shorts (that I had slept in) and I was beyond embarrassed to be meeting my bishop being dressed the way I was. My bishop was so very nice which made me eager to go, he told me when and where my ward met and said he couldn't wait to see me. Then I realized I had a dilemma  I was too afraid to go to church alone. I didn't know anyone and I don't even know all that much about the church. Eventually a couple weeks later I built up the courage to go. I went and it was so scary, but also so very worth the anxiety. I made an appointment with my bishop, which was nerve-wracking because I knew I needed to repent. Surprisingly, I was comfortable about it and by January I received my temple recommend and even got the opportunity to receive my patriarchal blessing.  I've been going to church every single week since and I cannot put into words how amazing it has been. Although there have still been times of struggle, I have changed for the better and I could not be more grateful.
SOME THINGS I HAVE CHANGED SINCE NOV 2012:
I don't drink or even go to parties.
I have no desire to do anything unacceptable with boys.
I don't even listen to certain types of music.
I stopped drinking coffee and tea.
I do my best not to swear.
I now don't even buy clothes unless I could wear them after going through the temple. <--- by far the hardest thing yet.

Not that I have am getting married anytime soon or going on a mission, I just figured why not make it easier on myself when the time comes. It's something I am still working on (starting since Nov 2012) and not really something I even need to do at this point in my life. But I chose to. Because frankly for me if I am going to be active I am going to live it.

I'm sure you're all wondering what the big thing is that happened to me today. I BORE MY TESTIMONY IN CHURCH!! I have never ever done this in my life. I absolutely hate talking in front of people (usually I cry regardless of where I'm speaking) I am still shocked and so proud of myself for doing this. I never thought that I would ever have the courage to do this. I mean, I have told people my story, but I've never gotten up in front of people and it felt absolutely amazing. I've always pictured it in my head but I never actually had the courage to do it. Today that changed, all thanks to somebody else's testimony. He hadn't been to church in four years, or stayed for all the sessions and the spirit was so strong for him that he got up in front of everyone and bore his testimony. It was so incredible and I have to thank him for giving me the courage and inspiration to do such a thing. I figured if he can do it, so can I. Afterwards there was a mingle and over 20 people came up to me telling me that my testimony, my words, had an impact on them. I didn't even know that was possible. Thinking about it makes me grin ear to ear like a goofball. People I have never even met or talked to had been influenced by me. This is so amazing. Especially because I become shy at church, anywhere else I'm as outgoing and could go up to anybody. I am so thankful for this gospel and the fact that my heavenly father will be there for me no matter how many mistakes I've made in the past. I know that it does not matter where I have been, it only matter where I am now and where I intend on going. If any of you would like to hear more about my journey and why I have decided to come back to the church PLEASE do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am more than willing to share. And I'd love to hear your stories to. I found a video by Al Fox that actually fit perfectly and thought I should share!!

XOXO-Lexi Collins

Big Changes.

So many thoughts are weighing on my mind. It feels like lately I've been unable to catch a break with anything. I feel as though my struggles have been branching from not being able to keep my mind off of certain things. I dwell on words that were said, things that have been done, things that need to be done, and hang on to hope with every ounce of my body.

Sometimes I think, "It'd be so easy to lower my standards, settle, or go back to the ways of my past." My mind and my heart almost never get along. I can be thinking those things and automatically my heart screams, "No, don't let these things get you down, stand up for what you believe in, hold onto hope and it will be worth it." I am so thankful for the heart that I was blessed with. Although it gets me into trouble sometimes when it comes to the ones I care and fall for. I've learned to accept my flaw of over analyzing and thinking about everything because, it isn't in fact a flaw at all. Obviously if someone or something is on my mind and in my heart, it's supposed to be there. Regardless of if it's pain or happiness, it will make me stronger than I've already grown to be.

Today was General Conference and it was absolutely amazing. I am so blessed to be a part of this church. I was talking to my best friend Lily last night and the topic of church came up. She said "Lex, if I were to tell you 3 years ago that you'd be getting up and going to conference tomorrow, you would've said I was crazy." And she is completely right, I never would have thought that I would become active in the church again, but I have and it has changed my life so much. In such a good way! I decided I wanted the gospel in my life and I want an eternal family and so I went after it. I attend church every Sunday, along with ward temple goings and the occasional FHE. It's been such a smooth transition as well, it was beyond easy for me to give up going to parties, watching rated R movies and listening to certain types of music, attending church is something I look forward to, and investing time into my scriptures is something I enjoy. It hasn't all been easy though, I made the decision around November that I was going to slowly start getting rid of every article of clothing in my closet that I cannot make modest or wear with garments. This was so tough at first because I love clothes and I have never worn any kind of shorts besides short-shorts in my life. Now months later it has become easier and easier to dress modest. I don't even buy anything unless it's something that I can wear garments with. Becoming more active has been the most amazing journey of my life. I strive to make myself better ever single day and it has been the biggest blessing that I wouldn't change for the world. Things may be rocky in other aspects of my life but this is the one thing that I know I can always count on and that brings peace into my mind :)