"Untrue things hurt the worst, but power through it, for it'll make you stronger."
I titled today's post because lately I feel as though a lot of people around me have suddenly become very judgmental. Certain thoughts were brought to my attention and I was honestly SHOCKED, I still am. Apparently I have been called selfish towards people, full of myself and scandalous. I know that everybody is going to be judged at some point in their lives but I cannot even think of one way that I have ever been selfish or scandalous, as far as full of myself, I do model, but I do not model for myself or to take pretty pictures, I model in hopes that I will inspire someone to follow and accomplish their dreams. When I care for someone I would do absolutely anything for them. Plain and simple, I go out of my way daily to do something for someone other than myself and yet I am selfish? Scandalous, when I've kissed less people than I can count on my own two hands?
Normally such accusations would never phase me or my confidence, but they came from two people that I care about more than my own self. That is the only reason why I would sit and question myself, "Am I selfish?, Am I full of myself, Am I scandalous? Why do they think that about me? If someone I care for so much thinks that, what do others think?" Tears fall down my cheeks as I am writing this, I have considered all situations and know that I am not selfish and I am far from scandalous and full of myself. Honestly it is hard for me to open up about this, but it's been weighing on my mind every second since I heard it. And it's killing me. I know that I am stronger than that, and I shouldn't let something so little affect me so much, but it has. Mainly I think it has affected me so much because of the people it came from. Not just anyone, but people who I have loved and been there for on more than one occasion for a very long time. People who I hold near and dear to my heart. I thought to myself, there's no WAY they think that about me after everything we've been through and how well we knew each other, but I thought wrong. It saddens my heart more than ever that they have this picture of me in their heads. And I would do anything to change it. But I cannot change how they think of me, I can only hold my head tall and keep being me, proving them wrong each day. This is the exact reason why I choose not to judge others, because you never know how it can hurt somebody and you may not know how untrue that judgmental comment is. I strive to be a better person each day, even if it's in the littlest ways, like holding open the door or making it my goal to make someone laugh. I know that we are not put on this earth to live easy lives and we are going to be put through trials. At first for some reason I was afraid to pray about this because I knew if I did I'd be bawling the whole time, I managed to get through a prayer or two and it has helped me to realize that I can be strong and become a better person by focusing on not so much what these two think of me but what I, as well as those who truly know me think.
I wrote about this to let everyone know that people will always judge and try to hurt you while they are hurting themselves, but don't let it get under your skin because only YOU KNOW YOURSELF. I said a prayer for those who said certain things about me and asked that their minds realize that words can hurt and asked that they won't take their own pain out on others, if that was the case. They are now aware I know what has been said, I hope with all my heart that they realize no matter what they have said about me I still care for them and will be there regardless, because that's the person I am. If anyone reading this has felt judged and is struggling, I am here for you. Even if we've never talked before you can confide in me, because like you I have felt judged and I know you're strong, even if you don't<3
Other than that,
I know it's been awhile since I wrote last! I've been so busy between
school and helping out around the house (we're remodeling)! Fun I know.
School has been crazy busy since I will be going to Mexico in about a
week and I am trying to get ahead in each class. It' s going pretty well
so far and I'm getting super excited for my trip!