Wow, I've been completely slacking in the blogging department. But lately I've been itching to write and I figured what better time would there be to start up again than on my year anniversary of becoming endowed. A week from today exactly a year ago (12-13-14) I became an endowed member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
It was the absolute hardest decision I have made in my life thus far, but it was also the very best decision I could have made for myself. This last year a lot has happened and a lot has changed.
The best part of the last year is the fact that I am happy. Happiness is something I had previously struggled with, due to people constantly walking out of my life. In all honesty I thought I was happy, I thought that I was good. When I actually had no clue what it felt like to really be happy.
Shortly after I became endowed I began experiencing true happiness. I have no idea why I had never lived life this way before, excited for the day, ready to take on whatever life has to throw at me, smiling more, being more positive. It's literally like a blindfold was lifted off of my eyes.
Don't get me wrong, there are still moments when I feel as I am completely and utterly alone, moments when I get down. Dating is chaos, even when I think it's going well, something ends up going wrong, work is never ending and my social life is almost non existent at times. Regardless of all of that I can always find a reason to be happy. Normally I'd let these things tear me down and dwell within it. But now when I'm frustrated or upset I know that I can be happy, I know that I will be okay. I had never really known that before, I had hoped for it, but didn't know that it was for sure a possibility. It's still kind of a new feeling for me, I'm getting used to it, sort of waiting for the pin to drop. But that's just it, it isn't going to, I will never let go of the new version of happiness I have stumbled upon.
I had a lot more I wanted to say within this post, but I think for now I'm going to leave it at this:
Heavenly Father has blessed me so much. Breakdowns are going to happen, yelling with anger in prayer is going to happen occasionally as well but he wants our trials to lead us to happiness. For each and every single one of us he is on our team, he is rooting for us, willing to hold us up, willing to push us until we can all find happiness. All it takes is trying, the effort we make when deciding to live this gospel lead us to happiness. Happiness that I am eternally grateful for.