So many thoughts are weighing on my mind. It feels like lately I've been unable to catch a break with anything. I feel as though my struggles have been branching from not being able to keep my mind off of certain things. I dwell on words that were said, things that have been done, things that need to be done, and hang on to hope with every ounce of my body.
Sometimes I think, "It'd be so easy to lower my standards, settle, or go back to the ways of my past." My mind and my heart almost never get along. I can be thinking those things and automatically my heart screams, "No, don't let these things get you down, stand up for what you believe in, hold onto hope and it will be worth it." I am so thankful for the heart that I was blessed with. Although it gets me into trouble sometimes when it comes to the ones I care and fall for. I've learned to accept my flaw of over analyzing and thinking about everything because, it isn't in fact a flaw at all. Obviously if someone or something is on my mind and in my heart, it's supposed to be there. Regardless of if it's pain or happiness, it will make me stronger than I've already grown to be.
Today was General Conference and it was absolutely amazing. I am so blessed to be a part of this church. I was talking to my best friend Lily last night and the topic of church came up. She said "Lex, if I were to tell you 3 years ago that you'd be getting up and going to conference tomorrow, you would've said I was crazy." And she is completely right, I never would have thought that I would become active in the church again, but I have and it has changed my life so much. In such a good way! I decided I wanted the gospel in my life and I want an eternal family and so I went after it. I attend church every Sunday, along with ward temple goings and the occasional FHE. It's been such a smooth transition as well, it was beyond easy for me to give up going to parties, watching rated R movies and listening to certain types of music, attending church is something I look forward to, and investing time into my scriptures is something I enjoy. It hasn't all been easy though, I made the decision around November that I was going to slowly start getting rid of every article of clothing in my closet that I cannot make modest or wear with garments. This was so tough at first because I love clothes and I have never worn any kind of shorts besides short-shorts in my life. Now months later it has become easier and easier to dress modest. I don't even buy anything unless it's something that I can wear garments with. Becoming more active has been the most amazing journey of my life. I strive to make myself better ever single day and it has been the biggest blessing that I wouldn't change for the world. Things may be rocky in other aspects of my life but this is the one thing that I know I can always count on and that brings peace into my mind :)